My father – As he silently left us…

My father left us silently.  Without bothering to show signs of the imminent death arriving;  In a sleep that was his sole characteristic on a few past days.

If there is a thing that people call ’natural death’ (though I personally feel all deaths are natural, it is all ‘written’) , this was it, ever so peaceful. His body and soul prepared itself towards the end gradually. Reduced the food intake over a period of time to almost nothing for multiple days, towards the end. 

One of the toughest decision to make, and even tougher to stick with, was not to hospitalize him when his condition worsened (at least from the observer’s point of view – He was sleeping all the while ever so peacefully). 

The Doctor who took care of him all these while was not sure – not sure if there was enough reason for him to be hospitalized: No disease to name, no BP nor sugar problems, no organ failure, no breathing problems etc etc. As some one else summed it up: “There is no medicine for old age;  unless the body is ready, no medicine can be of any use…”.

The most probable outcome of hospitalization would be him getting ventilated in an ICU ; which, in my view would have only meant that the same number of days that were left in him would have been ‘supported by’ chemicals and machineries in a place that he dreaded most in his life!

As it was impossible to ask my father what he want us to do, I asked my mother. She didn’t want to hospitalize either – her reason was even simpler: At home at least we can see and take care of him. Even when he was not eating or drinking anything for days together, she didn’t allow nasal feeding to be installed. She could not bear the thought itself, and I thought she was right – My father would have been terribly unhappy if we did so.

It even got worse, when he stopped turning sides on his own and that started creating bed-sour on his skin. Not being diabetic helped, the injuries were healing quickly. But seeing the wounds was painful – a real understatement! And that produced further trouble in our mind: If it continued like that or even worsened, we would be left with no other option than getting him hospitalized. That thought lingered and pained me all through my journey to Bangalore on a Tuesday. I had to, as there was a client commitment of training to honour.

But my father had better plans. On Thursday morning, he asked my mother for water. Drank well. A few minutes later, when my mother wanted to check if he wanted some more water, he was not responding. He had left… ever so peacefully.

I was interrupted in my class by the client’s training coordinator who called me outside the training room. A passing look at my cell phone made me realize the situation immediately: The phone kept in silent mode had numerous missed calls. I knew instantly what the situation was.

I am quite grateful to the client who allowed me to break the program and leave immediately. Lack of any flights to my home town made me take a call to drive down, though it was a 9-10 hours drive.

I felt a vacuum getting created at one portion of my mind (or heart what ever you want to call it). But definitely there was an amount of relief that my father is free from any further suffering…

As it must be so for everyone, death of own father turns a major leaf in one’s life. It cannot be and will not be the same after that.  I just hope it gives me, my mother and my entire family greater strength to take life forward. I am sure it will, as my father always did while he was alive…

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